Girth over Length | Episode 278

Philadelphia Eagles.

I've got a little song for you.

And it goes a little something like this.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Here we go, Steelers, here we go.

Pittsburgh's gonna beat the Birds tomorrow.

Here we go.

Now the Steelers are back in the gold.

This town of Pittsburgh's heart and soul.

The Pittsburgh Steelers have the best fans.

We are from Pittsburgh, the six time super bowl champ.

Here we go.

Deep buds, deep beds.

Here we go.

Deep buds, deep beds.

Here we go, Steelers, here we go.

Pittsburgh's gonna meet the Birds tomorrow.

Fly Eagles, fly On the road to.

Make a rain high Eagles or a touchdown.

1, 2, 3, hit them low Hit.

Em high and watch our Eagles fly.

Fly Eagles, fly On the road to.

Victory E A G L E S Eagles.

Hey, everybody.

That's how you know how to spell your own team name a song.

Hey, don't be salty because you guys got your ass kicked yesterday.

Don't tell me Jesus did.

Were you even out on the field in the fourth quarter?

I think you.

I think you got out there like a.

No, no.

I think that at one time there was a timeout called and some offensive guys ran out water bottles for the defense.

Yeah, our poor defense.

So what do you think?

I mean, next week you play the.

Ravens and at Baltimore.

At Baltimore, T.J.

watts hurt.

I hope he's better.

We got George Pickens out.

We lost our cornerback.

It's not looking great, but we clinched the playoffs.

But we'll see what happens after this game.

But if you.

If you just go to playoffs and lose the first round, is it really even worth it?

Yeah, I know.

We made the playoffs and we got knocked down the first round.

Who cares?

Playoffs.

Oh, I'll tell you what.

We're banged up.

You guys put a hurting on A.J.

brown sprained his ankle.

You put a hurting on Lane Johnson.

He got his ankle.

We got.

One of the guards was out trying to think who else got hurt.

Oh, we took somebody out, literally on the first.

On the return, Barkley got hurt at one point.

So John learned how to spell in the second grade.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true.

That's how long that song is.

Come on, pull the hat down, Duchess.

There you go, everybody.

Yeah.

See?

Oh, shut up.

All right, what we're gonna do is we're gonna do this.

I'm gonna do the whole show like this.

There we go.

No, you're not.

No, here we go.

I will shut my camera off.

I know how to do that now.

No, I told John I would wear it.

I'm a good sport.

I'm a.

I'm grumpy about it, but I'm a good sport.

Goddamn sport.

Wear the hat or go topless.

Which?

Wear the hat.

Everybody's really upset we didn't make.

Feels kind of dirty every time we.

Everybody's mad we didn't make the topless bet.

Now we're not doing topless.

Aaron says, what's this we shit?

I don't recall seeing John throwing, running, or catching.

Hey, I was on the couch screaming and yelling.

Don't tell me I'm not part of the team.

John screams and yells at everything.

So I put a $5 bet on the Steelers just to seal it.

I had to put my bad mojo on the Steelers for sure.

Jinx them.

That's right.

That worked.

And listen, I wore the jersey.

I shouldn't have worn the jersey.

Oh, really?

See, I don't.

It's funny.

I don't believe in the wearing of the clothes and stuff.

Like, that's not a thing for me.

But where I can't bet on the team, I can't do that.

That's a.

No.

No.

Oh, look what happened.

Okay, here's the funny thing.

Remember, I wanted Jalen Hurts for fantasy football, right?

Right.

And then, remember they were like, whatever, two and two.

And I said, I'm trading a team.

Undefeated.

Undefeated since I traded Jalen Hurts off my fantasy football team.

What a coincidence.

Okay, I'm sorry.

What a Sparky say, and this was Sparky.

Topless would bring more people and make John as popular as the Hock tour girl.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We could sell our own shit coin and go to jail.

We could do.

Oh, I've been told Chef's.

Chef says John was risking acute heart attack with all that screaming and shouting.

He's the 12th.

I'm sure he was.

I am the 12th man.

John was very quiet.

Like, it's funny, I didn't get any.

I got a little.

No razzing.

Like, the morning of, like, it was very quiet.

Yeah.

And then as soon as the game was over, he's like, well, that was a game.

And I'm like, yeah, no, you were very civilized about it.

You were not 20.

Because I knew you were saving it up for tonight.

No, no, no, no.

I mean, I respect it.

I know that after.

Listen, it was not their best game.

It really wasn't.

I know that.

I was very surprised if I.

If the Eagles lose and people start right after the game, they start giving me shit.

It's.

You know, there's.

It's hell to pay.

I'm Not.

I can't handle it.

It's one of the times where, you know.

You know, my nerves and feelings are very raw.

So I get that.

I was very sad the game was over, and I was like.

And then we had to go live.

You know what I said?

I said, the game turned over.

I looked at Paul.

I was like, I have to wear that fucking hat.

He just laughed at me.

He's like, that's your problem.

You should have said, hey, what the.

Other options were for the.

You didn't tell them.

It was either that or the girls were coming out.

No, the girls are not coming out.

No.

We need to see these saggy old ladies.

Thank you.

No.

The lines lost.

So now the Eagles are tied with the Lions for the top of the NFC for the first round by.

So that's.

Tell you what.

Josh Allen is a goat.

Like, he's amazing.

Yeah.

Well, here's.

So here's the thing.

Jared Goff, five touchdowns, and they still lost five touchdowns.

Like, how the.

Do you lose with five touchdowns?

Josh Allen gets six.

Six touchdowns, six touchdowns.

That's how you lose.

Yes.

So Sparky asked if you are wearing a Steelers hat.

I'm just wearing it just to, you know, solidarity.

Solidarity.

It was just a football game.

Yeah.

You know, I watched this last night when we went to.

We were on Bruce's show last night.

Duchess and I.

And I had this hat on last night.

See, I could have worn my Eagles hat.

I could have rubbed salt in the wounds last night.

I didn't do that.

I figured I'd save this up, but I do have.

So since we're talking about the game.

Yes.

What I would like to do is play a recap of the game.

Here we go.

We're about to do the battle through the NFL's powerhouse.

About to duke it out.

I tell you guys what you gotta be feeling.

Tom Brady's the announcer.

I didn't like that either.

Pittsburgh Vidad.

He's not a fan of Tom Brady.

No, he's Tom Brady.

Tom Brady is doing our game.

Now I know how every camp counselor feels at the beginning of a Friday the 13th sequel whenever Jason come back.

Just like Jason, Tom Brady ain't going anywhere until we are all dead.

Look at that.

Our offense don't need to gain no ground because we're getting more yards.

Just recovering Philly fumbles.

That needs to be a permanent play in Arthur Smith's offense.

Philly fumbles.

Oh, come on now.

The Eagles were throwing punches.

Boxing during that scuffle, too.

Yet the Steelers are The only ones that get flags.

Oh, I forgot.

Philly's the home of Rocky Balboa.

And the refs are looking at us like we're Mr.

T and Ivan Drago.

No, I didn't include Tommy Gunn Morrison.

Cause the ref only threw two flags, not three.

Plus, no one knows who Tommy Gunn Morrison is.

Cause that's in Rocky V.

Even Sylvester Stallone didn't see Rocky V.

Oh, look at Nick Salami crying about a call.

Wah wah wah wah wah wah.

Coach Tomlin don't do that.

And if he did, it wouldn't be wah wah, it'd be sheets.

Sheets.

Oh, come on, Naj.

You gotta hold on to that ball.

That fumble has me going down a very dark hall.

A very painful hall.

A Mendin Hall.

Here comes Clay Matthews now.

Instead of making that tackle, them two Steeler defenders just allowed that runner to pass through like they's opening up the doors to the fancy room on the Titanic to let dead old Rose come in.

Now the ship's sinking.

Yeah, Linda, I know that Philadelphia produced one of your favorite bands, Boyz II mentioned, but hey, this game is turning Pittsburgh from men to boys, so there's that.

And in honor of this performance, they'll be covering the hit single End of the Road.

It's very fitting that the Eagles run the tush push right there.

Cause in that drive, our defense was.

Nah, the Steelers don't got a tush push.

But hey, look, Zack Fraser just got a personal foul.

We call that the jag flag.

Are we sure our offense even come out the second half?

Or are they trying to beat the 5 o'clock traffic on our way back to Pittsburgh?

Deb, you better call in an Amber Alert for Russell Wilson, Case.

Ain't no one seen him here for a while.

Philly has completely drained this entire fourth quarter.

They've killed so much clock that there's only two minutes left in next week's game versus the Ravens.

Tom's on standby.

And you can forget about that one seed now.

That's gone.

Can't have seeds around Tom Brady anyhows.

Cause all that guy eats is seeds, thanks to TB12.

Just have a hamburger every now and then.

Jag.

Oh, no, no, no.

Permanies is better than Philly cheesesteaks.

You got the fries, the slaw, and the secret ingredient.

The essence of six Super Bowls.

All Philly cheesesteak's got is canned whiz and a Nick Foles earned Lombardi.

Three, two, one.

Our butts whipped.

I love the Pittsburgh guy.

He makes me laugh.

So hard.

And, you know, it's.

I don't realize the Philly.

The Philly.

Excuse me, the Pittsburgh.

That Yinzer accent until I listen to him.

Yeah, it's fantastic.

It's so different from the whole state, so.

It is.

I.

Like I said, I'm a big fan.

He.

He's a riot.

I do like him.

I know, but.

Game.

Yeah.

I saw Tom Brady, I was like, God damn it.

Like, you know what?

He's not that bad.

Brady's not that bad.

He's getting better.

I, like, talked so much last week.

He was like.

He could barely speak.

He was all like, they're bringing him tea.

And in the room, you could see it all line.

People are, like, secretly handing him his tea.

And I think they called him out on it, like, oh, someone handing you your tea.

He's like, what, am I supposed to go make it myself?

Of course someone's handing my.

I'm Tom Brady.

I don't mean here.

Yeah, exactly.

I mean, he had his own roast.

He was so good, which was.

Yeah.

And you know what he's doing out there?

Counting his millions.

Counting.

Yeah.

Million.

I mean, look, it's funny how much people hate him, but I'm like, the guy's a winner.

He's a winner.

Even in his divorce, he's still a winner.

It doesn't matter.

His ex.

Wife makes more money than he did, which is a shitload of money.

So, like, I don't.

Well, after the game, Jalen hurts.

Got the.

The.

The Tom Brady trophy, whatever it is.

It's three.

Oh, yeah, I'm sure.

Love that.

Right?

And.

And Jalen says, you know, on the field, you're beating me, and now all of a sudden you give me a.

You know, the.

The game ball.

What is this?

It ain't right.

It's.

It's very weird.

Like, Tom.

I mean, he's an excellent player.

I mean, he's.

He's literally one of the best we've had.

But nobody seems to ever.

I don't really know anybody who's like, oh, I love Tom Brady.

Everybody hates them.

New England people like them.

Good.

Do they even like them?

Sure.

Listen, it's like when Jeff Gordon.

Back in the day, when Jeff Gordon was racing, he was winning all those races that people hated him and.

Any other winners?

Yankee.

Unless you're a Yankees fan.

Unless you're a front runner.

Then you like the.

You know, like a team, like Yankees fans.

Like, everybody else hates the Yankees.

Most of the people used to hate the Dallas Cowboys before they sucked dopes.

Up here.

Love them.

Yeah, there you go.

They love them.

They should be trophy.

Well, of course he's not up there.

He's not gonna live up there.

It's too fucking cold.

Why would you live up there?

It's ridiculous.

Yeah, People hate.

Although, you know, like Dale Earnhardt.

No one.

Well, I'm not.

Shouldn't say that.

There was.

There was Dale Earnhardt haters.

People hated him.

Not.

Yeah, but I mean, I guess it was the same thing.

You had to respect them because.

And then he was one of those guys that he was like the bad guy.

And then he died.

And once you die out on the track, then everybody, they still like, on lap three, everybody holds up three fingers.

You know, for Dale Earnhardt, he's always going to be number three instead of number one.

You're not first or last.

Well, number three.

I wasn't hoping for him to hit a wall, but I do love a good car crash.

I.

Yeah, I don't know.

Anyhow, so we had a school shooting today in Wisconsin.

Was it in Wisconsin?

Madison, Wisconsin.

Wisconsin.

Yep.

And they found out it's a girl.

The girl.

The shooter's a girl.

And that's a girl or trans.

I think it's a girl.

I think it's an actual female I thought was XX chromosome person.

So started out as a girl.

Yeah.

And so again, as soon as there's a school shooting, everybody runs to your.

Your local, whatever it is, social media of choice, and starts screaming about gun control.

Oh, we gotta get these guns off the street.

It's never gonna happen.

The CEO was shot.

Is there any gun control calls then?

Well, the issue is again, I mean.

Not that nobody should be shooting up anybody, but.

Well, when I say you should take.

And make it where I don't know if you would ever stop this, because this seems like.

And again, we don't know enough to know enough.

Right.

But this seems like it's targeted.

Like there was.

I would almost imagine that this is a bullying situation.

Girl had enough shit, she took a gun to school and dispatched a bully.

I say that to say this.

I saw a video and I don't, I don't have the video because it doesn't really matter, but what they said, and I don't have the proof for this, but I'm going to say it anyhow.

Every school shooter, student, school shooter, played one of three games.

Grand Theft Auto, Fortnite or what was the other one?

It's.

Oh, my God, it's like three letters.

Anyhow, it's.

I was gonna say World of Warcraft.

But that's.

Maybe it is.

Maybe it is that one.

It could be.

Apparently she uploaded a manifesto.

I'll see again.

I would like to know what that is.

There was three.

Teach her.

She was.

I don't know.

She offed herself.

Yeah.

Grand Theft Auto.

What's the other one that everybody plays?

Call Duty.

Call Duty.

See Call of Duty.

Cod.

Shooter.

Shooter games.

Shooter games.

They play these shooter games, practice how to shoot.

And here's.

You know, again, you go out there and you.

You fight and you get shot, and then you just press the reset button.

Yep.

And then you go on and.

But the thing.

The part of this game is just to go in and start shooting and killing people, and after a while, it doesn't mean anything to you.

I remember when we played paintball that one time.

Deuce and a bunch of us went together and we went to play paintball.

First time I ever played.

And, you know, from hunting, you know, I guess we were.

I was in my 20s, like, 25, 26.

And the first time I had to draw down on a person, I got a queasy feeling in my stomach, like I didn't want to pull the trigger.

It's like, you're really shooting.

You are really shooting.

Well, I mean, with a paintball, but still, it's that whole act of pointing your weapon, which is everything you're trained not to do.

Exactly.

It was weird.

And then by within an hour, I'm like, right, yeah.

Shoot the shit out of you.

I could care less.

I'll never forget.

There's this one time.

I hope there's paintballs in this.

Two of us.

And he was behind a tree, and I'm behind a tree, and I had my gun out.

I had.

I'm like, go ahead.

Stick your head out.

I dare you.

I didn't say it.

I'm saying it to myself.

Stick your head out.

Because I knew where his head was the first time.

And as soon as I saw his head start to come out, my.

And I watched the paintball go and hit him right between the office in the mask.

Because you got a mask on.

And he's like, oh, man.

Yeah, you, I think, must hurt.

Oh, when you get close.

Yeah, yeah.

I've seen people with welts from them.

So not.

Not fun.

When was this?

This was like in 1987 or 88.

This is how long ago this was.

Right.

This guy pulls in with a pickup truck and towing an enclosed trailer.

And inside the enclosed trailer, he has all kinds of paint guns and paintballs and he comes out and he's got a knife strapped to his side and all this stuff.

And he's playing.

Yeah.

And he's playing with us, like, almost the size of a machete.

And I'm like, dude, why do you need a knife?

He goes, well, if I ever get trapped, and I'm like, wear stickers around.

I can cut my way out.

What do you like, Vietnam in the jungle?

Where are you guys playing?

I said, and he was going to be on our team.

And I said, I don't.

If he's carrying a knife like that.

I said, I don't want that.

The other thing was, if you were.

Let's say you have camouflage on and someone's walking by, so all the people's head lead.

And I'm.

That's very good, Josh.

How's it going?

Hope you feel better, buddy.

That's not a bad joke.

That's a good joke.

So if.

Let's say you were walking by the trail and I was so close.

Those things really hurt.

When you're that close, you're supposed to be able to tag them.

It's shot in the fingers, so apparently so.

One of my buddies, tug.

Another guy.

Guy turned around and shot him, like, four times.

And he says, and he had welts.

The next day, you could see he had, like, bruises from where these paintballs hit him.

So I don't know.

That's my favorite.

Back when I used to listen to free beer and hot wings, they had one of the.

The producer.

They stripped him down.

It was, like, in February.

It was cold.

Like, it was definitely cold out in Michigan.

And they had him stripped down to, like, underwear and, like, his sneakers or whatever, and they made him run a gauntlet of paintballs.

Oh, my God.

He was.

He got maybe a third of the way through it and then just ran off into the woods.

He's like, stop, stop.

Of course, nobody's stopping.

They're, like, shooting more.

And he's, like, hiding behind a tree.

But it wasn't, like, enough trees still.

Hitting them with the paper.

See him, like, moving.

He's like, stop, stop, stop.

And then finally they sort of stop.

And then.

Then you hear a couple more like, you know, like, people just don't stop.

But he was covered in paint and welts.

It was.

It was.

Look, it was funny as to watch because it wasn't me, but I cannot imagine how much it hurt.

First of all, it's cold.

You're damn near naked and get shot.

He was close.

Close enough where I'm sure it left Him a ton of welts on Howard Stern.

Sal, the stockbroker was supposed.

They.

He wanted to take his family to Disney World.

He had young kids, and they didn't have money for it.

So Howard said, if you bring your wife in and you pull your pants down and let her shoot you in the ass for every paintball that hits you in the ass, I think he gave him $1,000.

So the wife comes in and hits him in the ass with the paintball, and he scream like it.

It's not that far away, and he's screaming, and she is laughing.

Well, they're divorced now, I'm sure, but.

I can't imagine why.

Seems like such a healthy relationship.

You know what's really weird about that?

His kids must be in their 30s now.

That's how long ago this was.

But she was trying, and I think she got him on a nut sack.

Oh, that's not right.

He started doing the curly, where he started spinning around in a circle.

That must have hurt.

It hurt.

And those guys were laughing.

It's fun to laugh at other people's misfortunes.

Let's see what we can make the pores do today.

Right.

And he's got another intern holding the mic near Sal.

Get that mic on us.

So he gets.

Get that, Michael.

So you can hear him scream and cry.

Oh, that's mean.

All right, that's.

Here's a.

Would Duchess shoot Paul in the ass for $1,000 a shot?

That's a yes.

If he agreed to it.

Yes.

But I wouldn't want.

I wouldn't do it if he didn't want.

Yes.

No, if he.

I wouldn't.

I don't.

Sorry.

You're not paying me to get shot in the ass.

I've probably got way more padding than he does, but.

Doesn't matter.

It hurts.

Same thing.

Well, it also depends how close, but I would think there would have to be some proximity of distance.

But like, if you're right there with the nozzle or muzzle, whatever.

Right.

Up to.

Yeah.

No.

I used to love to play racquetball.

We used to.

There was a place in.

Where.

In where I lived that had a.

Racquetball in the 80s when racquetball was big.

Yeah, Yeah, I remember.

I love playing racquetball in summer camp.

And I would play in tournaments, and so.

Right.

You'd serve.

Right.

And then you'd kind of have to get out of the way because.

And I remember one time I moved to the one side like, you serve.

And then you moved.

So You.

You don't want to get hit.

And a guy hit one, and, I mean, he cracked it and got me right under the ass cheek.

Like right in that little seam between your little cheek and your thigh.

Smiley face, right?

And I was like, mother.

Oh, God.

And it's first thing you yell, you.

So then he's like.

They were like little hard dodgeballs.

Yeah.

There's.

It's like a blue solid, but it's right.

So what it does is it leaves like a little bruise and a red ring around it, almost like when you get bit by a lime tick.

So he's like, I'm sorry.

I'm like, okay.

So we take a little breather.

I get back up there again because it was my point.

I serve again.

Don't, Daddy, don't.

He hit me in the same.

I mean, the same exact spot.

I throw a racket in the air.

Oh, I go down fucking even.

You need to buy me a beer.

Oh, my God.

It was horrible.

But I remember playing racquetball.

Yeah.

After a tournament, like, if you were in enough games, when you got done.

You, like when you got beat to.

You had welts all over your back.

Oh, my God.

I remember playing because you're in that.

That penned up court, you know, and it's always.

It always had the glass doors with the tall ceilings and then just the three sides.

And I remember.

I remember playing.

We had a tournament in summer camp back when my parents had some money before they divorced.

We all were broke, but we.

I was in a tournament and I did pretty well.

And then I got to the end where it was like a co ed.

So I ended up playing against this guy who was so strong, and he served that ball and it came back and I caught it.

Right.

Like, you never turned towards them, Never turned towards him.

Well, I didn't realize.

Well, I was like 12.

I didn't know what I was like.

I was out.

I was done.

Like, I was just.

I couldn't catch my breath.

It hurt so much.

But I love playing.

It was really good because you play enough, you definitely.

You definitely could pick up some skills.

And we were actually pretty brutal.

So you learn how to, like, bank it off the corners and shit, make them hustle for it.

So they had, like, different.

Like, you had an A league and a B league and a C and went all the way down to day D.

You were a beginner and then you moved up to C or whatever.

So I was a C player.

Okay.

And there was a woman that was playing, and so we're playing.

And she started like, I was being a gentleman.

You know, you'd hit the ball, you move out of the way, you let her hit the ball, whatever.

I played nice because it was a lady.

Exactly.

So then any of that bullshit.

I bet she's like, wham.

Right?

Right.

So I lose.

It's best the three games.

I lose the first game, and I come out and my buddy Mark says, what do you want?

What are you doing?

I'm like, what do you mean?

Because he says.

He says, what, do you want to date her?

What are you doing?

He says, playing like, playing like ass.

Get out there and play your game.

I said, all right.

So then I went out there and I won the second game, and then I won the third game.

He's like.

He's looking at me like, you can play better than this.

But it was the truth.

Because when you playing.

You know, when you're playing a woman, you.

You know, as a gentleman, you're just trying to be nice.

He's like, she's not trying to be nice.

Look what she's doing.

Yeah.

What's the difference between racquetball and pickleball?

You know what?

I really don't know, because I.

Pickleball.

Is more like a match like you play against people.

Like tennis.

It's like tennis courts to me.

It's almost like ping pong.

Yes.

Ping pong.

Standing on the table.

Yeah.

You bounce it off the.

There's a wall in front of you, Right.

You hit the ball.

It alternates.

So it's like.

It's like tennis, but you're both facing the same wall, so you actually bounce it back and forth that way.

Oh, and thinking about playing Wicked rubber ball and playing the game against that woman.

I hit her in the back of the head with a shot.

You could hit people so hard with that thing and it would hurt.

But it's not like hard baseball.

You wear eye protection.

I hit her so hard, her glasses came off.

Oh, my God.

I remember we had, like.

It was the 80s.

Everybody had, like, the sweat bands.

Yeah.

And like, you had your wrist guards and then.

But you had to have the racket with the strap around your wrist.

Cause you would throw it like, it would easily shoot fly out of your hands.

Bob says racquetball is for men.

Pickleball is for lonely moms with emptiness syndrome.

I know a lot of men who play pickleball.

A ton of men.

Pickleballs are for pussies.

I'll tell you what, to be honest with you, I would probably play Pickleball.

You say that, but when you're playing pickleball, I mean, I watch them play pickleball.

Like every once in a while you'll see them and it's close in and it's hard and you gotta have good reaction time to play pickleball.

It's not.

I wouldn't say it's for pussies.

I'm just.

They said a lot.

There's a lot of injuries.

Like, people are, like, going, like, right into the sport, but there's a lot of knee and ankle, sure.

Calf and like, hammy injuries because people are not warming up because they're like, oh, we're gonna go out and like, you know, they think they're just gonna bop it back and forth.

It's a lot more active than you think.

But I know a few people who play who are in leagues and it is hands down aggressive.

Aggressive.

Men's leagues, they will go after each other.

One tournament, I sprained both ankles at the same time.

The ball goes.

I'm running back to the back corner where the wall.

The two walls meet on a 90 degree.

And when you're playing so much, everything gets hot and the walls and the floor gets wet because the humidity, they would steam up.

Yeah, yeah.

So I go to stop.

Both feet slip out and they go in the corner sideways.

I sprain both of my ankles at the same time.

And you're like, what do you do?

I mean, they drag you out.

You're sitting there, they put ice on them and all.

You don't even know how to limp.

I think I used a.

I had crutches.

I think I was on crutches for like a week.

I mean, I really.

Both of them.

One was wrapped and one was in a cast.

Yeah, it was terrible.

Yeah, it was a very aggressive.

Racquetball was very aggressive.

We used to play racquetball and handball, which is essentially racquetball with just your hand.

Yeah.

That was painful.

I never liked that.

I liked racquetball.

I like tennis and softball and stuff.

But now I can't.

I can't do them.

I just can't run like that because I strain all my muscles.

We would go to work, we would come home, and then we would play basketball until it got dark.

And then we would leave the basketball courts because there was no lights.

And then we would go to the place where we could play racquetball.

And we would play racquetball until that closed.

Then we would take a shower at the gym and then we would go to the bar and drink pictures of beer and eat nachos until midnight.

And then go home while you were working out.

Yeah, and go home and get up the next day and go to work like it was nothing.

You think I could do that now?

Now, I tried that with tennis or with softball, and I did all right.

But as soon as I just wasn't.

I could not keep my muscles warmed up enough.

And almost every time I would run, I would pull something.

I would strain.

Pull a hammy.

Yeah.

Come up.

Or pull my calf muscle.

It was the worst.

It was so painful.

But we would play for hours.

I would get there at like 4:30, 5:00, and then we'd be done at like 10:00.

It's a long goddamn night.

On Friday nights, they would put a volleyball net up and then you could play.

It was called walley ball, and it was like volleyball, but there was no out of bounds.

Like, you could bank it off the wall.

And that was a lot of fun.

Oh, that's fun.

Yeah, that was a lot of fun, too.

So.

Oh, the good old days.

Bob says I like snapping his towels on nude men's asses in the shower.

You know that, Bob?

You know me.

I love the.

There's nothing.

Bob's waiting for you to do that for him.

Putting a big old red welt on a man's ass in the shower.

That's what I'm all about.

Wow.

Yeah.

See, full contact.

Walley ball was my jam.

Full contact.

I don't think it's supposed to be.

Full contact, but when people start going for the ball at the same time, you end up crashing into each other.

There's five people on the court.

You got five people aside in that little tiny racquetball court.

Oh, it's so crowded.

Yeah, it's kind of.

It was fun, though.

It was definitely fun.

We used to do that again at camp mostly, but always a good time.

I'd part the legs and let them aim.

Yeah, you think you would.

Let me tell you something.

Bob would bend over and be ready for you.

You get hit in a ball sack with a racquetball coming off that back wall.

I think he's talking about the towel, but.

Oh, I see what you're saying.

I thought I was gonna say with the racquetball.

Yeah, I don't think he was.

I don't think Bob is really looking.

They'd come out of your mouth.

Your nuts would come right out.

You'd be up in your throat.

You'd have, like three Adam's apples.

No.

Jesus.

Yeah, that would be uncomfortable.

It was always fun, but that part's uncomfortable.

Yeah.

So back to the school shooting.

Oh, yeah, back to school.

How the do we drift?

Oh, we talked about games and then.

Yeah.

So back to the school shooting.

I.

There's certain.

There's certain things that you're just never going to be able to stop.

If a kid wants to go to school and has access to a gun and kills another and wants to kill another kid, there's nothing you could do.

Especially if they're going to take their own life, which is apparently because they said that no police officer shot.

So it sounds like it was a murder suicide.

So unfortunately.

And then you get the people on.

You get the mothers on Tick Tocks crying, stop it.

Stop crying on t.

Stop this.

And then behind them they have the.

Mother or a mother.

A mother.

Any mother.

Any.

Just a woman on Tick Tock.

We gotta.

We need to stop this.

Okay.

How makes a difference once you get on Tick Tock, that makes it official.

Well, it's just then the whole world knows you feel like just a lady.

Shut up.

Shut up.

You don't even know what happened.

Do something in your community.

Don't get on.

Don't sit in your car and cry.

Like, that's not how you fix things.

There are ways to make schools safer from shooting.

If someone's coming in from the outside that's not supposed to be there like some.

Well, the problem is it was a student.

Right.

That's what I'm saying.

Along there.

So, I mean, it's very, very hard.

First, what are you going to do just to have somebody, you know, you're going to go through metal detectors for the kids?

Well, I know some schools over in.

In the city over here, they have to go through metal detectors to go to school.

So that's a little bit.

And they used to have to wear like, these.

The backpacks had to be clear.

You weren't allowed to have like a regular backpack backpack.

Well, it kind of makes sense.

I mean, given the amount of violence, especially in some of the cities or some of like those areas.

You, you know, kids bring a lot of shit to school.

You know, even.

Even young ones who just pack because it looked like.

Let's play with this.

Well, what's going to happen here is this is going to become a local story because it's a girl that did it, number one.

Number two, it wasn't.

There's no man, we don't know.

I heard there's a manifesto, but we don't know what it is.

And I'm sure it'll be taken down unless it's a white supremacy thing or they.

If they.

Okay, if this is a white girl that shot a black girl and a black teacher, then it'll be a big giant thing if it's just Wisconsin.

So who knows?

Yeah.

Bud says every single male must be wiped out from babies to el than then only then will women be create feel to create a new world.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

They love the how they want equal this and equal that until they got to go out and rake the yard.

And if that.

That stops.

Yeah.

That's why we go go do school shootings because we have to wait the yard.

You know what I don't like about this?

I can't.

I can't bring up my duchess eyeroll thing like I could on.

Too bad.

Sparky says the Dems on Dems love school shootings.

I'm not convinced that they don't set some of them up just so they can get their agenda passed.

That's.

That's tough.

I'm sure.

Look, I don't think that they set them up, but I know that when.

One happens, definitely enjoy.

Yeah.

That's the first thing they do is go to their narrative about how, oh, we gotta get rid of guns.

Well, every time there's a shooting.

But again, I'm gonna bring it back to the point of the CEO who got shot.

None of them were touting about, you know, being safe and they shouldn't shoot or shouldn't have had access to the gun, which was not for nothing in New York City, where you're not really supposed to wander around with a gun.

Well, no, you're not allowed to have a gun in New York City.

Right.

So at all.

But there was no.

Nothing about.

But there's gun laws.

How is there a shooting in New York City with all these gun laws?

Well, that's a whole good question to ask.

Oh, and it was a ghost gun too.

Sparky's right.

It was a ghost gun.

I think it was a 3D printed gun.

Yeah.

So do you know that these fucking maniacs are out there now getting tattoos with the three words delay, deny, and.

The other one, whatever.

Yeah, they're actually.

And they have a picture of the shooter with the gun out shooting the guy in the back.

They're getting this tattooed on them.

Shame on the tattoo artist doing that, by the way.

That's disgusting.

You know what?

Yeah, I think you're right.

I think I'm more mad at this tattoo artist, why would you allow them?

Why would you even bother?

Why would you.

Why would you want credit for that as your work?

Right?

If I went in.

Kind of gross.

Let's say I went into a tattoo shop and say I wanted to write the word that starts with an N, ends with an R, has a GG on it.

Say I wanted to have that tattooed on me, right?

Would they do that?

Would they tattoo that on me?

Dirk says, Pocahontas said if you push people too far, but January says.

Oh, Pocahontas.

You mean Liawatha.

Liawatha.

Liawatha or Pocahonte.

I know who you're talking about now.

Yes.

Yes, that's right.

If you're a big bad capitalist and a CEO of a company, if your company does something that people don't like.

Yeah, you're asking for it.

That's exactly right.

Or.

That's my point.

It was okay that he got shot.

Nobody cared about gun control then.

Well, let me ask you this.

Not that I'm condoning this or even saying that it should be done, but let's say a group of people that make laws and handle the money that comes in taxes, let's say that they're doing a shitty job and they're not doing what.

What people are expected to.

They're not making your life better or taking more and more of your money.

They're giving it away to different countries.

They're.

They're.

They're financing wars and all this stuff.

Let's say we're really pissed off about that.

Should we.

We walk around popping them in the back of the head with a hot lead serenade?

No, absolutely not.

Should we do that?

Poke a honky?

Liawatha.

I'm with you, Sparky.

Back in the day, you could have a rifle in the rear window of your pickup truck and no one raised an eyebrow.

Try that today.

New.

Like in the 80s, late 70s, early 80s.

You could do that, right?

There were boys that went hunting or people that went hunting.

School.

I told you, from October until February, there was always a gun in a gun.

And my shotgun was always in the back of my.

It was in the trunk of my car.

Because we would go hunting before we go hunting afterwards.

Absolutely we did.

So I don't know.

Now you can't.

God forbid you light up a cigarette, so come after you smile.

We can't.

You know, back in my day, the only video games you had was Pong.

And it was just two things.

Back in my day.

That was the only home.

It was Dangerous.

It was like.

Oh no.

The reflex.

Like you would go to the arcade and it was pinball.

And I'll never forget when the first video game came out.

And centipede.

Yeah.

Ms.

Pac man or Pac Man Tempest.

And you would spend.

God damn it, I hated that game.

$20 in quarters playing that game.

I know.

It was so fun.

I lived in the arcades in the mall.

That's the one thing I miss about, I guess more of like the fond memories of the mall.

Like just hanging out.

Like I love.

My mom could drop me at the mall and I would have shopped at the record store, tried on clothes at like merry, go round all the garbage stores and then hung out in the arcade and the food court.

Literally like fast times.

Like that's where movies.

You did your whole thing, your whole life was in that.

Well, there was nothing to do at home except sit there and watch what your parents wanted to watch on tv.

Because there was only one tv.

I know.

So you didn't do that.

So what you do is your friends.

Like you would go to the mall so you could meet people or hang out with your friends or you know, meet girls or you know.

And that's where you went.

There was.

That was the social life.

That was where it was.

Yeah, that's where everybody went.

Yes, we.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

It was.

My mom always hated that.

She'd like, I'm dropping you off but I'm not picking you up.

So she's always.

Yeah, I'll drop them.

I'll drop.

Yeah, one would pick, one would drop off.

You had to get them, right?

Oh yeah.

You had to coordinate parents.

My mom will do this same thing with the movies.

Everybody went to the movies because it was the only thing to do in town.

Bob's little scroopy said I was 60 miles from a mall, so.

Sorry, Crystal.

That's terrible.

No wonder you have such an issue being with Bob.

No wonder you have no self esteem.

She's charming.

You hush.

She's lovely.

She is lovely.

I'm just talking about Bob.

Ah.

Anyhow, Dean said he went rabid hunting on his way home.

Yeah, we would do that all the time.

Sorry.

Always rabbit hunting.

Two mile walk.

Yeah, you just go home, get your.

Gun and John's just messing with you.

Crystal, I'm just.

He's messing with Bob.

Really?

Yeah.

This was Bob.

Okay, changing the subject now I need you to make a little video graphic where it just goes across both of our screens.

Oh sure.

My spare time.

Like if I know how to do that.

Can you do that?

No, I don't know how to do.

Do that.

Oh, Bob says she goes to the Mall of Meat now.

Wow, thanks, Bob.

Heavy S.

Bob's doing a little crowing over there.

Okay, so Donald Trump, I love this story.

Wins $15 million because of.

From ABC.

And George snuffle because he kept saying that he was not convicted but charged with rape or.

Yeah, it wasn't convicted because it wasn't a.

Called him a convicted felon.

Yeah.

Well, but whatever he did, and I can't remember what it was because it was.

He was in a civil case, so it's not like he was convicted, but whatever it is, he was found.

I can't think of it now, and I'm not going to sit here and try, but anyhow, he kept saying this to my girl from South Carolina, Nancy Mace.

And then, of course, you know, she can't listen.

I'm gonna tell you something about Nancy Mace.

She's a very nice woman, it seems like, but she's on the crazy side, and she loves to bring up that she's been raped and sexually assaulted.

Like that woman.

Like her goat.

Is that new?

Wow.

I don't remember her discussing it.

That's how she won her seat in South Carolina.

You know, she was talking about protecting women and stuff like that.

So anyhow, she was on one of the Sunday shows with George, and George is like, you know, you being a victim of rape, how can you support a person like Donald Trump who was.

Whatever he was with that woman?

And let me tell you something.

That woman that he's talking about, E.J.

carroll, she's another one.

Eugene Carroll, she's another one Who?

I don't believe that story for her.

I don't believe her.

Indicted.

Thank you, Sparky.

Yeah.

That Trump was found liable for rape.

This is why we have the chat here.

We need the chat to correct me and be my brain.

Please be my brain.

So he said, how do you have your endorsement after.

Right After.

Because of what you saw.

Yeah.

What he did.

And then because of what happened to you.

And then she started saying, why would you say that?

I mean, I find that offensive.

I love that she turned the tables around on him.

And then he wouldn't let it go.

He's such a piece of shit.

Right.

And it cost.

Well, he has to pay $1 million out of his pocket.

I'm delighted.

Yeah.

And ABC has to pay.

And here's the thing.

Million.

Yeah.

They were fighting it in court, and then it was going to Go to deposition where Trump's lawyers were going to be able to ask George about stuff under oath.

And they're like, it, we're not doing this.

We're done.

We're settling.

So they had to settle it.

Yeah.

She told.

She was on with Cooper Anderson and she goes, I think rape is sex.

Anderson Cooper.

Same thing.

Yeah.

Cooper Anderson Cooper.

Anderson, Anderson.

Same guy.

Same guy.

That's a straight.

That's a straight brother.

Glory, Glory.

Vanderbilt son.

From what I understand.

Yes.

When I remember that.

Yeah.

So poor.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah.

Poor guy.

So.

And I love the fact that it's not going to Trump.

It's going to build the Trump presidential library.

By the way, that makes me smile so much because I can't wait for.

He has to go on.

He has to do an apology.

He has to do a issue one.

Yeah, yeah.

He has to do a minor copa of.

I know it's me.

I just mea copa of.

Just wanted to see your face when I said it.

A mea copa.

Like the Copacabana.

Yeah, the Copacabana.

He's got to do a Copacabana.

Just like he's going to come out Sunny Hostin did on the View.

I wonder if he's going to sit there all resting.

Bitch face.

He will.

He'll just read it and then he'll move on.

I'll just get it like.

Like a blowjob.

They'll just do it and get it over with and then just.

Just get it over with and then he'll move on.

Yeah.

Nitsimoto over in Rumble.

Put this up there.

He says, I played racquetball with a buddy, returned to serve, planted the ball right on his tailbone.

Dude walked out and for almost an hour.

Yeah, that hurts.

You left, turned off a Stephanopoulos.

I'm not.

I'm going back.

I just had to.

I just saw it.

Ok.

All right.

Shiny.

Distracted as I do, as I do.

So I.

I haven't seen.

And you know something?

You know who else should get it, too is MSNBC and cnn.

Joy Reed.

Oh, my God.

Oh, please, can I pray?

Here's the thing.

Now that one's got it.

Now there's a precedent.

So they'll go after him.

He'll go after him one at a time.

He was especially wanting to get Stephanopoulos.

Oh, I guess, you know, he's got.

Trump's definitely excited about that decision, as I don't blame him because it's not like Stephanopoulos is a good guy.

He's a turd.

He Sh.

He's been shaming women for years, so.

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

I wanna.

So Dirk says you kiss.

Can't give a BJ and walk away once you got it over with.

We need cuddling too.

Oh, how sweet.

I don't know if I.

I don't know if I agree with that.

Do you need a cuddle?

No, I know.

I don't think I do.

All right.

John says he's good.

Yeah, pretty much.

You can just go on your way.

Get up.

That chick next.

Get up, spit in the sink and head on out.

God damn it, that's close.

And I think you need a cuddle.

I mean, sometimes it's okay.

It depends on if you like the girl or not or the guy.

Just saying.

Oh, well, you know, you should be an equal opportunity.

Could be the guy.

Well, any port in the storm, I suppose, right?

Yeah, sure.

As long as that port's between your ears.

All right, again, I don't know how we get into these stupids.

All right.

I don't.

I'm not reading any more comments about this.

So Stephanopoulos deserved the give her a.

French kiss after share the load.

No, once it's inside, it's my.

Oh, no go.

It's sticky, like.

Oh.

Oh, no.

Oh, no, no.

Anyhow.

Oh, that's so out of context.

Is it?

I'm sorry.

No, you're not.

No, not at all.

No.

You're never sorry.

No, no, no.

All right, well, let's.

Speaking of drones.

Were we speaking about drones?

No, we were talking about George Stephanopoulos setting a.

He's got to pay a million dollars and ABC has to pay a million dollars.

I think he should.

He's.

He has a terrible history of treating women very poorly.

All the way back from the Trump admin or the.

Well, you know, he was Clinton administration.

Yeah, he was the war room, you know, with Carville.

Well, not only that, but he was a big Clinton supporter, you know, so.

Yes, he ran the war room.

He went after all the women who accused.

Right.

Trump of.

God damn it.

Web Clinton of rape.

Right.

And like Juanita Broderick and Catherine Wiley and all the other women.

Big nosed one.

Paula Jones.

Paula Jones.

So you knew I was talking about right away.

I didn't know who you're talking about.

Poor woman.

It was prominent, but like, it was the fact that all so poorly.

And he.

He literally publicly shamed them.

It's.

It's.

That's what he does.

He's just.

And everybody's like, oh, is that nice guy George?

No, he's A piece.

No, he is a piece of.

He's absolutely.

And he deserves getting dragged through.

I love this.

Delighted.

He has to pay a million dollars out of his own pocket.

Well, the only thing that would make me happier is if he got fired by abc.

Yeah, well, he shut down his Twitter or his ex account.

He.

Because I wanted to see if he said any.

I wanted to see if he said anything and bye.

Nobody cares.

Oh, this count doesn't exist.

What do you mean it doesn't exist?

It was there yesterday.

There was a sound effect.

It would be like.

All right, bye, George.

Hang on.

Since we are talking about George and I don't want to change the subject yet.

Here we go.

Donald Trump has been found liable for rape by a jury.

Donald Trump has been found liable for defaming the victim of that rape by a jury.

It's been a affirmed by a judge.

Criminal court case number one.

Number two.

I live with shame.

And you're asking me a question about my political choices.

Trying to shame me as a rape victim and I find it disgusting.

I'm asking you a very simple question.

And I answered it.

You're shaming me for my political choices.

I'm asking you a question about why you endorse someone who's been found liable for rape.

It was not a court.

And here you are trying to shame a rape victim.

I find it disgusting.

I mean you keep saying I'm shaming you.

There's.

You are the question.

It is.

It is.

How is the question asking you about a presidential candidate who's.

You're asking a rape victim and she's wanted to be like.

You weren't raped.

She's a woman.

Believe all women, George.

You started this shit now wallowing it asshole.

Fucking creep.

Such a courageously talked about because I'd been raped.

I think that's just.

No, I'm questioning your political choices because you're shaming me.

You're trying to someone who's been found liable for rape.

Actually, I'm not trying to.

You are.

That's exactly.

You're not answering the question.

I think it's George bail.

George, change the subject.

You look.

You're looking terrible here.

It's not getting better for him.

Now it looks like he's bullying her about it.

Yeah, I didn't think he was shaming her.

I.

But he looks like now he's bullying her.

Bullying her for sure.

You're bullying a rape victim, George, you piece of.

Well, but so.

How dare you.

I'm gonna.

And again thankfully never having have gone through that type of situation.

Although there were some instances it was close.

The.

I don't know about this is me personally, like, I don't know, but I guess this is her coming out and saying, well, like, I'm a rape victim.

Like, to roll that out as part of your narrative.

I don't.

I don't know.

I don't know enough about Nancy Mace, but does.

Is that something she says a lot?

She kind of.

Every time.

Every time you say something, she brings it back that she was raped.

Listen, I understand it must be.

Must be horrible, Horrible, horrible, horrible to be raped.

I get that.

But, you know, same old song you've been singing.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I can't.

I don't walk in her footsteps, so I don't know.

But, like, does it define her?

Yeah, like is.

I think it does.

Does she allow that to define her?

But I don't know if that's just because she.

Don't get me wrong, she embraces it like it's part of her.

So it's.

She's not ashamed of it, which a lot of women are, you know, so maybe that's just one of those.

I'd like.

This is what it is.

I like Nancy Mason.

I don't want to say I don't like her.

And I really do like the way.

That she's making much about her.

The stand against trans men in women's bathrooms for the simple fact that spaces.

Yeah, women, real women.

XY chromosome women.

Vagina having, breastfeeding, vagina having women.

Right.

Yeah.

You think we have to say stuff like that?

Yeah, you.

Vagina having women.

I think that you should have your spaces where you can be away from men that think they're women and want to go in there.

And then you.

And it goes back to that.

What's it, Alpaca, philia, Whatever it's called.

I can't remember what it's called.

Pacifilia, Whatever it's called.

Alpha.

Whatever.

Adam, apple, Ophelia.

Adam's apple, Apple, Ophelia.

That could be.

It's.

That could be a show.

It's fun to let you kind of go down this path.

Can't remember what it's called.

Then listen to the chat.

Will tell me in about five minutes when they figure out.

Autogynephilia.

Autogynephilia.

There you go.

Alpaca, kind of alpaca.

Gynaecological.

There we go.

Alpaca, gynephilia.

That's what it is.

A pack of Ophelia.

Bob says we're Going to change that to unconcenal attracted persons.

Oh, Bob.

Yeah, that'll work, but see, what else?

Because I think something else disgusting.

Well, you're welcome to say that, but you also have to answer the question, why are you supporting someone who's been found liable for rape?

Now you're being sued by defamation.

Why?

Because of an interview like that.

I was interviewing a congresswoman named Nancy Mace, who used to be highly critical.

My hometown, Charleston, South Carolina.

Charleston, South Carolina, of Donald Trump.

And she was famously started her political career in a state house when she was in the state house talking about being a victim of rape.

And so I asked her how she could be as a victim of rape.

How could she support someone who a jury has found liable for rape?

Trump sued me because I used the word rape, even though a judge said that's in fact what did happen.

And in fact, we filed the motion to dismiss last week, but she's now fallen on.

And she tried to say that I was the problem for asking the question rather than he being the problem because a jury found him liable for defamation and sexual abuse.

All right, well, double downs.

He just keeps going.

Let's think about this.

Why would you ask a victim.

So you knew she was raped?

All right, so why would you go and open up that wound just to take a shot at Trump?

And you know what?

It's okay.

It only cost you a million dollars.

Keep talking.

A little turd.

What was interesting is when he opened that up, he's like, oh, she started off being a victim of rape.

Like, he let the victim part hang there for a moment, like a beat.

Too long, you know, Bob says not to be confused with Nancy Bear Spray instead of Nancy Mace.

Good job, Bob.

Yeah, Bob's always funnier in the chat.

Just saying.

Yeah, so, okay, so that is that.

Can we talk about the drones now?

Of course we can.

What was the little alien character in the Jetsons?

If Dean's here, he'll know.

No, you're thinking of the one in the Flintstones.

Oh, Gazoo.

Was it the Great Gazoo?

The Great Gazoo.

God damn it.

How do I remember that?

So sad.

It just popped into my head, like I.

He could hung me over a fucking vat of fire and be like, I don't know what that is, and then.

Like, great kazoo, dum dum.

Anyhow, so now they're there.

So again, we're talking about these things that they can't seem to find out where they've taken off from.

They can't stand to find out where they land from.

But now there's a lot of them out there.

There's.

I say, hey, dum dum.

That was.

You know what?

Why can't we have those?

Kazoo or guzoo?

I thought it was guzzoo.

What you're going to ask my fat, lazy South Jersey tongue might be kazoo.

The great Kazoo.

Because they would yell kazoo.

And then he'd be doing something.

It was almost like.

You know what it was almost like with.

What is it with.

With the genie.

And they would yell and the genie would pop up.

What are you doing now anyhow?

Getting off the drone thing.

Okay, so now everybody wants to know where these drones.

Trump's not going to his Bedminster residence because there's a lot.

He's like, my, hey, I'm no fucking fool.

They're not over.

They're not over.

Mar A Lago.

I'm going to stay down here.

Oh, he's probably better off in Mar A Lago anyway.

Plus, there's some warmer down there.

Stay down there anyway.

I dream of genie.

Yeah, he would do.

They would yell genie, and she would pop up out of the lamp.

This is.

This is what I think.

Absolutely.

The drones are distraction to what they don't want you to pay attention to, so pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

Okay, I understand.

You're saying that I have a video here as soon as I can find it.

Sparky.

Sparky Grease, he says.

Exactly.

All right.

I think it's Sparky and Dirk in the same room.

I think that would.

Well, I don't know if they'd ever be face to face.

You can't see me.

Yeah, they're both incognito.

Ah.

I guess I don't have it here.

I thought I did.

What are we looking for?

There was someone that was talking about the.

The drones, and they say that this is a toy that the US Military is playing with, and they really don't want anybody taking pictures of it or anything.

And this is what they're playing with.

So that's why they don't know where it's taken off from.

They know where it's taken off from.

They know where it's landing from.

They just don't want to say anything about it right now, so.

But then why are you flying them?

Like, why are they flying?

I'll take that.

Like, I'll take aliens.

I would rather have real aliens, you know, not from across the border, but from outer space.

I would rather have them that.

Then they're saying that now they're using it to find a nuclear warhead that was smuggled over here from gamma rays.

Yeah.

I'm like, wait a minute.

Why is it in fucking New Jersey?

New Jersey.

It's always New Jersey.

Yeah.

Can't you take it somewhere else?

Why is it got to be in New Jersey?

But, see, it's more north, like, it's up near you.

Like New York.

I should say north.

I'm not near New York.

But you're more near New York than.

Well, I'm more north than you, I suppose you're more like southwest.

Well, westy.

So they're out there scanning, trying to find these, but from what I understand.

And they have this all over where they have, like.

Let's say you're driving.

Let's say you.

Let's say we smuggle a suitcase nuclear bomb, and we got in the back of our car and we're driving down the road, they have these.

I'm going to use the word sniffer because I don't know what other word.

Detector.

Let's use detector.

They have a detector that it'll pop off and say, oh, by the way, whatever just went by here was radioactive.

Now, I don't see why can't.

I mean, is it so radioactive that you can't encase it in lead where it doesn't, you know, where it doesn't throw off those rays?

I have no idea.

But I would rather them be real aliens than them trying to find a nuclear bomb or nuclear material to make a bomb.

Yeah, we lost some.

Yeah, we're searching for.

Anybody find some radium floating around here, like.

Well, just looking to make a bomb.

I want to go to our man in the field, Bud Vugger, our boomer bunker reporter.

Yes.

Who said that there's a small amount of radioactive puller.

Right.

A small amount of radioactive material has gone missing in transit from a New Jersey cancer treatment center.

All right, so I've seen these before because, like, say I don't.

And I don't know what they use them for medically.

I don't know if they're using them for cancer treatments.

I guess it is what it's for.

Cancer treatments, radiation treatments.

But they only last so long, and then you got to get them out of there.

And these things are encased in, like a.

Like this big, giant lead box, and it's not even on wheels.

It's on tracks.

Like the seeds, I guess, like radiation seeds and things.

Again, when they take it in and take it out, when I saw them, it was in this Big giant box.

And it was.

The case itself weighed 2,500 pounds.

And it's not even on wheels because wheels couldn't support it.

It's on like you would use for a bulldozer or a tank where the tracks.

Oh, like treads.

Yeah, like tread tracks.

That's what, that's.

So you would have to pull it out and then they would bring it to the elevator.

And then we had to make sure that the elevator would withstand the weight to take this thing down and out.

Because they always.

Why don't they put this shit on the bottom floor?

No, they always got to put it on the third floor or whatever.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

So they would bring this thing out.

They had like a motorized thing that they would tow it with and they would tow it and they would bring it over the elevator and it would set it up and then they'd say, okay, well you know, I would have to go in there like a couple days before and put.

If it was a 3,000 pound capacity elevator, I would ask them to send over 3,000 pounds of test weights, then bring it to the bottom and bring them to the bottom floor and then put it all on there and make sure that, that it'll hold the weight.

Yeah, that's not something you want to be surprised about.

Right.

So then what I would do and, and, and this is how dumb I am.

They would put this thing on 2500 pounds.

I would get on the elevator with it, shut the door, and then run it down to the floor.

Let's even stop and hope it stopped.

And then, and then they would, they would meet me down, they would take another elevator down, meet me there.

And then they would take.

Well, needs elevator repairman too.

Well, I'm still here.

We didn't crash into the pit.

Well, I do want to say thank you.

I'm going to interrupt for a minute.

Bob and Sparky.

Thank you.

They say I look good in a baseball cap.

So much appreciated.

Thank you.

Even though it's stop the show so you can say thank you for accomplishing.

Well, since I have to wear this filthy birds hat.

Well, apparently you should wear it all the time.

Now since they've complimented you, you should wear it on every.

You know what, guys?

You know what guys say, you know what, Duchess, I really like you in that bird's hat.

You really look attractive every day.

Every show say, I really want filthy hat.

Please put the bird's hat on.

Please, let's do that.

Don't get salty.

You made me wear the fucking thing.

So I Didn't.

Well, it was the best dealers did.

This is the hat you gave me.

This is the hat you sent me.

All right, I have a question for John.

Is there a standard speed for elevators?

Do some run fast?

Yes, they do.

It depends on the.

How high the rise is.

So let's say it's only like an eight story building.

They'll run like 300 to 350 foot a minute.

When you get into high rises, like over in the city, like if it's 25, 35 floors, they'll go up to 500.

I've seen them at 800.

There's a couple of them we worked on 800 foot a minute.

And then when you get into New York City, some of them will go like 1500 foot a minute.

And that's.

That'd be like the Empire State Building.

You get into that and there's like a.

When you step out between floors because there's.

You have to switch to different elevators.

Yeah.

Like they only go to certain levels.

Right.

And when you get, when you get out, when you step out from the.

I guess over the.

The space, I guess that little gap.

The wind is insane.

It's like.

It's so scary if you're standing like this.

If you're standing on top of an elevator and that thing's going 800 foot a minute up the hoist way, it'll make, you know, it'll make you motion sick because everything's just going by you.

And I could never look straight whenever I'm on when I was on top.

And we'd have to run like you're trying to find a noise.

Really?

Yeah.

So you'd get on the car and you'd run it at high speed.

And you're sitting on there.

I had to look down at the floor.

I couldn't look up because it would make me nauseous.

It would make me motion sickness.

It was.

I get like that on merry go rounds.

Now I can't look out.

I have to like look inside.

It's the same thing.

800 foot a minute.

You don't think.

And I think if you.

I don't know what it would be if you did it miles per hour.

I think it's not that fast.

I think it's like 20 mile an hour or something like that.

Maybe 25.

You could hurt yourself at 20.

I wonder if I can ask.

Go ahead, Alexa, convert.

Convert.

800 foot a minute.

I'm not quite sure how to help you with that.

I know, I know.

I fucked up.

Alexa, convert 800 foot a minute into.

Miles per hour from answers.com to convert this to miles per minute, you would multiply this value by 0.621371 to get approximately 5.86 miles per minute.

All right, so 5.86 miles per minute you times.

Okay, what's 5.86 times 60?

Alexa, what's 5.86 times sixty?

5.86 times 60 is 351.6.

That's not.

350 foot a minute.

That's ridiculous.

I'm doing something wrong.

Miles per hour.

Take the square root of pie like a nascar.

It's the square root of PI.

I don't know.

Whatever.

Somebody should be able to figure that out.

800 foot apple pie, pumpkin.

800 foot a minute into miles per hour.

I don't know what it is.

Alexa has to count on her fingers and toes.

John's.

Alexa goes, what?

Can you say that in English, please?

Listen, I've only taken algebra 1.

I don't know any of this.

I don't know how to do this.

What are you crazy?

What is it Ron Burgundy says?

You know, I don't speak Spanish.

I would know.

I never watched anything with Ron Burgundy in it.

Because that's true.

The first one was so good.

The second one's too.

God, there's so many other people in it that make it work.

Christina Applegate is worth it.

All right, well, I like her.

Couldn't stand her.

She's beautiful.

She looks great.

She.

She was.

Well, she's Ms.

They don't you up.

It's true.

Yeah.

Ms.

Her Ms.

Is bad.

Yeah, Poor thing.

She's like Johnny Crutches from the Steel Toe Morning show.

He's got a mess, too.

Oh, is he the one that passes out and oversleeps?

And I don't know if he's ever passed out.

He cries a lot.

On a show with Aaron.

Somebody insulted him on in the chat, and he cried like a little.

Oh, my God.

And then another time, he.

They were talking about voting and why didn't you vote early?

And then he started crying again.

All right, you know what?

I don't want to say anything because the poor guy's got Ms.

And he's going through a lot of medical issues and like that.

So I'm sure he's very, very touchy at times.

And how fast will an elevator with 350 plus John free fall on a twice?

Well, it.

See, here's the thing.

An elevator doesn't free fall because there's always a Counterweight on the other side that has the weight of the car plus 40% of the capacity.

So if you took the brakes and just took it off the thing, the elevator would go up, Cut the counter.

It would go up.

Yeah.

That's like a Mythbusters question.

All right, time for an elevator story.

Of course.

So gather around, kids.

Uncle John, tell.

When I was just a.

When I was just a wee, little bitty probationary helper, so this had to be 1987.

All right, we're working at the John Wanamakers building in Philadelphia, the one right by city hall.

Right there at city hall.

Wanna make.

Wasn't that department.

Is that a department store?

It is.

John Wanamaker.

Yeah.

It's just the department store.

So what they want to do is they want to have.

They want to take the elevators, and they don't want them to go all the way to the bottom floor anymore.

They want something underneath that.

But what they have to do is they have to be able to have.

If something happens to the counterweight, let's say all the cables break.

They have to have a buffer that can handle from the very top floor to go down there.

And it's got to stop it without going.

Without destroying the floor.

A big mattress.

Yes.

So what they did was they used these buffers that they use for the nuclear missile silos.

So when those doors open and they go open like this, they land on these big, giant buffers.

And These things were 10ft tall.

Okay.

That's how big they were.

Okay.

So now they have to test one.

So the state of Pennsylvania is there, and every.

And the state of Pennsylvania is there.

And what they did was they took a counterweight and they hung it at the very top floor.

And they have the.

In the pit is.

You know, so they move everybody out of the way, get everybody from underneath the floors out of the way.

So in case this thing doesn't work.

And there's a one cable holding it.

So the guy's got a torch, and he's cutting the cable for this thing to drop.

Sounds so bad.

So all of a sudden, he's cutting it, and then you see the counterweight, and all of a sudden, then you don't see anything.

That's how fast it dropped.

Well, they had a vid.

They had a camera down in the pit to see what happened when it hit.

When that thing hit it, every bolt that was in it in the canaway frame, it sheared every head of the bolt off.

And they shot out like a.

Like a bullet and went and embedded themselves in the concrete pit wall.

All stuck in the pit wall.

Not only that, but each one of these counterweight plates were an inch and a half thick steel by, like 10 inches wide by, I think, 4 foot long.

So that's how big they were.

And each one of them weighed 150 pounds.

It cracked 21 of them in half when it hit.

It cracked 21 plates.

It destroyed the counterweight frame, destroyed 21 weights.

So for the next three days, what John did as a probationary helper was get up on a ladder, go up to the top where the counterweight was, take a screwdriver, pick it up where you could fish a rope through, tie the thing off, and then start pulling counterweights out one by one, get it all out.

Oh, my God.

Were they impressed?

Were they, like, it passed.

They're still there.

Those elevators are still in the store.

I don't know what they do now.

I don't even think it's.

It's not Wanamakers anymore.

It was a Lord and Taylor for a while, and I don't even know what it is now.

Wow.

But, yeah, we went down and they're like, we went down to see what happened, and they're like, look at the wall.

And all the bolt heads were just into the concrete.

It was crazy.

That's that.

Well, this just shows you, like, the power of that.

Like, just the sheer strength and when it hit and just the way those things.

Yeah, it.

The whole building shook like an earthquake.

And it made it.

It sounded like a bomb went off.

It was the coolest thing.

I think it's the coolest and probably scariest thing ever.

We're like, did they wait for building?

Well, we're sitting there waiting for it to go.

Did they sign off on it?

Like, they're like, yeah, let's go.

Let's break this thing.

Let's see what happen.

Let's break.

Let's this up.

Let's do it.

And man, when I think it was like, man, it went like when he cut through that last strand, it was just like the cable went and it was like the thing disappeared.

Like, you didn't even see it move.

Like, it was just like 3ft up into the hoist way.

And the thing went so fast you didn't even see it leave.

And I was like, where'd it go?

And then also, how long did it.

Take from, like, where you realized it was gone?

Well, the, you know, everybody from the company was there, the inspectors were there, the building people were there, and every one of us looked like we just.

Our pants, like, we were all wide eyes were wide over, like, oh, my God.

We went downstairs, everybody down the steps.

Oh, my God.

It was amazing.

God, that's scary.

And we were sitting there taking the weights out, and then you got down to where the.

I forget how many weights were in there.

I think there was 40.

40 weights in there.

So we got the first 20 out, and then we were taking pieces of them out because they were snapped in half.

It was.

It was crazy.

So, John.

No, that's what people don't survive.

This is what used to crack.

Yeah.

So you'd go to a building and they would say that elevator free fell.

I was on the eighth floor, and it just fell all the way to the bottom.

And I would just sit there and look at them like this.

And I'm like, no, it didn't.

How do you know?

I said, how do I know?

You're telling me.

You're sitting here telling me a story.

That's how I know.

If you don't think that.

If you think that you can fall free fall into the.

Into the pit and still be alive.

You don't believe you can do that.

Go up to the eighth floor and jump out the window and tell me how you make out for you.

Some people are stupid.

It's not the fault.

It's the sudden stop.

Oh, well.

Cement poisoning.

Yeah.

Deceleration trauma.

Oh.

I don't.

Did I ever tell you the time about the.

The dog?

The time?

No.

Oh, no, don't tell me about a dog.

No, no.

We're gonna skip this story.

No.

All right.

So I'm working at the Written House Hotel, and they call me and they say, you got to get over here.

We have an incident.

So I go, okay.

So I.

I get to the lobby of the elevator, and there's a guy crying, screaming and crying.

And I'm like, what's going on?

They go, his dog.

He pulled me aside.

They go, his dog got on the elevator and he was talking, and he realized that the door shut and took off and the leash went up and it got caught.

Well, what happened was when it went up, it.

Luckily it hit the door lock and shut the thing down, but not enough.

Where old Sparky didn't get his head cut off because.

Not that.

Not our Sparky.

The dog Sparky.

Oh.

He says, the dog's in there and it's dead.

I go, how do you know it's dead?

It says, because its head's disconnected from its body.

I was like, oh, shit.

So I said, okay.

I said, well, what do you want me to do?

They said, well, can you bring it back down here?

I said, okay, so let me talk.

Can you take the guy away?

So when I went, I opened up the door, and when I would open up the door, I could see that the door lock was broken.

So I fixed the door lock, and then I shut it in the car, and I cut the.

Reached up as far as I could, and I cut the leash off, and then it went up to the next floor.

And then we called it down.

And when we called it down, the door opened and there was the dead dog in there.

And the guy's sitting there laying on the floor crying with this headless dog.

I felt so bad.

Poor dog.

Oh, poor Fluffy.

He didn't make it.

Dog got on the elevator and the guy wasn't paying attention.

I know.

I'm sure now he'll.

He's traumatized for life.

Not nearly as traumatized as the dog.

Right?

Poor damn thing.

Sorry.

Oh, that's terrible.

Oh.

And so people say to me, do you have any elevator stories?

I got a ton of them.

Tons of them.

You need to give us elevator stories.

I'm just.

Sorry we're low on content tonight, so you guys are getting elevators.

Not sad ones.

Please, no more dead creatures.

Please, God.

Yeah.

God damn it.

That's awful.

But, you know, there's.

I used to get that all the time.

People would get stuck in.

You know, they'd call me.

They go, it free fell.

It went eight floors down.

I said, no.

Okay, fine.

You okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Okay, good.

There you go.

Are you fine?

I'm good.

I'm fine.

I'm good.

Dean has a joke for you.

What do you call a dog with no head?

Nothing.

He won't come anyway.

Take it to the taxi.

Diamonds.

Yeah.

See, you could do that.

You could have his head reattached and.

Was it.

Did you find the head?

Oh, yeah.

It was all in the car.

It was all in the elevator.

It was just like.

Just.

It was blood all over the place.

Oh, I had to come and they had to put.

Take the elevator out of service and clean the floor and all.

It was terrible.

It was a horrible situation.

I felt bad for the guy.

What are you gonna do now?

At least it wasn't a cat, right?

John?

Cat wouldn't even.

I would have just left it in there.

No, I'm just kidding.

That's what I mean.

You don't like.

You don't like cats.

That's my point.

Get that all the time.

I just.

In the elevator, and it free fell all the way to the floor.

It did.

Okay.

All right, good.

All right, I'll check it out.

You don't believe me.

No, I don't.

No.

I'm sorry.

You're so good with the.

Don't you believe me?

No.

How do you know?

I said.

Well, you're here telling me the story.

If you fell eight floors, you'd be dead.

If you don't believe me, go up to the eighth floor, jump out the window.

Just jump.

Well, they say you just lay on the floor.

I guess that doesn't do anything.

It doesn't matter.

You know what if your elevator.

You're just going to bang up against the ceiling.

If your airplanes crash and just lay on the floor, that's fine.

It's no big deal.

I don't.

I'm not.

I love the other one when it get.

If you're doing that right before it hits the floor.

Jump.

I love that one.

That's a good one.

That's another one.

Well, the fun part was they did this in mythbusters.

So there's all kinds of fun.

Jump.

No, no.

Well, no.

They had the dummies, like, they.

They rigged it.

So that was part of the.

Because what they would do is try to bust these myths.

So they would do.

So a lot of the questions were like.

And that was one of them.

And it was just.

It was.

Did you ever see mythbusters?

I've seen a few of them.

Okay.

Not all.

I haven't watched every one of them.

Well, they would, like, debunk, like, rumors and things.

It was actually pretty neat.

The elevator was one of them.

I was watching.

What was the name of the show?

Swat.

It's on cbs.

I was watching swat and the other day, they had.

Some guy had a hostage in the elevator.

All right, so then, okay, they need to stop the elevator.

So the guy takes a screwdriver and pops off the.

The button plate and takes.

And there's a fuse in there.

And he pulls the fuse out.

It shuts the elevator down.

I'm like, that doesn't happen.

That's not how that works.

None of that happens.

So then they.

They're trying to get the guy to come down.

They're going to lower them down, and there's like.

I don't know, like 15 or 20 floors.

And there's no cables.

They're just lowering.

Just lowering them down.

Like, where's cables?

Just.

First of all, they did that in Die Hard.

I remember that he was jumping from the.

There was no cable.

Son of a.

Yeah.

Until the elevator went up.

Then you saw the cable.

But when I was.

When I was at ebd, Probationary helper, same building that I was in, when they dropped that counterweight, we would have to.

So the elevator used to go to the 10th floor.

Well, they only wanted it to go to the fifth floor.

So what you had to do is you had to take the cables off and then you had to make them longer so that the car.

The counter would hit and the car would only go to the fifth floor.

So we had to re.

Cable.

So then we had to.

The guy would go and he would jump out of the hoistway, jump into the hoistway, grab the cables and slide and hand over hand down the cables on top of the car.

And he's like, come on down.

I'm like, no, no, no.

He's like, well, come on, you big sister gymnast.

What the fuck?

Yeah.

I said, I am not jumping.

I don't care.

I said, I'm not jumping.

So I looked at my other mechanic.

That's not in my contract.

I said, do I have to do that?

And he goes, no, no, you don't jump.

Now he's.

Guy thinks he's like.

He's crazy.

Nadia Comanechi's just gonna leap and glide down like some kind of sugar glider or something.

I don't know.

He's crazy.

Crazy.

Yeah.

Don't ever jump into the hoist.

What happens if you miss?

I said, that's what I'm thinking.

That so anyhow.

All right.

Well, the audience enjoyed you bringing up Shaft as they do and.

Dirk, shut your mouth.

We're talking about Shaft.

Nobody asked about painting stories.

I guess I watched it dry the other day.

Sitting there the other day.

It was exciting.

It was exciting.

Sorry, Bob.

Oh, use the elevator to bring all the supplies up to the top floor.

I was painting and a roach ran out.

I painted over and it was just sitting there.

It's textured wall now.

Oh, here we go.

Bob's got.

Bob feels.

He's okay.

Hang on.

I had to hide six illegals in a 130 degree attic once because OSHA showed up.

Oh, that's a different story.

Yeah, beats the back of a truck, right?

Or a lot of these guys are locked in.

All right, well, I guess that's it, right?

I guess we're done.

Are we done?

Are we done?

Did we.

Did we do our shout outs?

Did we.

No, no, we didn't do.

I mean, we're done talking about stories.

We still have podcast shout outs to do.

Okay, I guess you don't want to talk about the New York Post.

What about the New York Post?

You put the link in here.

I don't remember about men asking for things before getting test before women.

We only have nine minutes.

I don't think we can do, I guess.

Okay.

I didn't realize we're timed.

Okay, well, I mean, we don't do it.

Our show is an hour and a half.

Why are you fight with me like this?

Should we fight eagles?

Hat on.

I'm cranky.

Leave me like Christ.

All right, so if I can peel back the curtain on how we do the show, I put the best topics up front and so we don't run out of things to talk about as they.

As we go down, then there we don't have to do the show.

Okay, but since you said something, I'll try.

Now you made me.

Now you shamed me.

I didn't shame you.

New non negotiable.

Yes, you did.

You shamed me.

Like George Snephalopagus.

George Stinkopotamus.

There's a new non negotiable thing men are asking women before they get serious.

What do you think that would be?

Did you read the article?

I did not.

Good, Good.

I don't want you.

All right, so what do you think now in 2024, like instead of like back in the day, you know, when we were younger, a man would ask you to go steady?

Yes.

What do you think they ask nowadays?

It's not going steady.

I'll give you a little hint.

Camera's all blurry.

What do they ask for?

Yeah, like if, let's say two people, they're dating and they've been dating for about a month and the guy is getting serious, what do you think he wants the woman to do?

Okay, I can't take this.

It's not anal, Dean.

God damn it.

I'm.

I'm impressed.

You would wait a whole month for anal.

How long.

How long before you say me?

I didn't say me.

I said Dean.

I was gonna say I don't.

Okay.

No.

Thank you, though.

He asks her to get an STD test so they can start having sex with out a condom.

Oh, and here's the kicker.

A guy asked this girl, they've been dating for about a month and he wanted to be exclusive.

So he said, hey, listen, can we get.

Let's get STD tests so that we don't have to use condoms anymore?

And she was like, I didn't want to do that.

Because, see, I'm seeing another guy and this guy's nice.

We go out, we have a good time.

Oh, but I have a fuck buddy, and this guy can ring my bell.

I mean, this guy can give me an orgasm.

He can ring your bell?

Yeah.

This guy can give me an orgasm that curls my toes.

But he doesn't take me out anywhere.

Like, he doesn't take me to dinner or he doesn't take me to movies.

We don't do fun things together.

I just call him, you know, I just text him, you are for service.

Right?

And then he comes over and rails me like a dinner bell and then just gets up and wipes his dick on the curtains and leaves.

So I really don't want to.

I don't want to lose gentlemen.

Yeah, I don't want to lose my butt.

It's not me.

It's the girl.

It's the woman.

No, I know.

All right, so she's getting serviced by somebody.

I wonder if that guy's using a condom.

Well, hopefully, if you think buddy wants to.

I would imagine Sparky says at least.

At least he wipes.

Yeah, least he wipes.

What a gentleman, right?

Yeah.

Well.

Right.

So she.

I don't blame the first dude for asking, Right.

I think that's important.

If you're going to be exclusive with somebody, you should kind of.

Yes.

Well, if you're going to.

Listen, if you're going to start getting.

Up with everybody they hooked up with, right?

If you're going to start dumping loads in there like a washing machine, you don't want to.

You don't want to get a.

You don't want to get a hanging herpe on your dang low.

You don't want to get a dangling chat on your hang low is what it is.

So she told him that they would still be wearing condoms.

Why?

She took time to decide whether she wants to get serious with them or not.

So she had to figure out whether, you know.

But she's banging the two, Buddy.

Yeah, Essentially the guy.

The guy that can curl her toes and make her come every time.

And then the nice guy, you know, if she wasn't like, well, he takes me out.

Throw him a little something, right?

This guy takes me out and everything.

So, yeah, I'll him.

But he's got to wear a condom, you know, the other guy, right.

I just sit there, right.

You know, used to peel me off the wall.

Listen, you know, went to the movies, he took me to dinner.

Okay, I'll bring him home and give him a But you know, as far as exclusive.

No, I want the other guy to ring my bell.

It's, it's.

I mean, she can.

If she's not exclusive, I mean, then she can go out and do whatever, whomever she wants.

How about this?

How about the whore says, you know what?

Here's a couple things that I like.

And if you can perform this and ring my bell, then, you know, maybe we can be exclusive.

But I'm not giving up.

Give them goals.

Goals, right.

What would.

So if someone said to you, if you were in a relationship like that, and someone had said, hey, you know, I really like X.

Hey, could you.

You like a.

I, I need a.

Certain something here, like, you're doing a great job.

I'll give you a C for trying.

But if you can hit an A, right, We can be exclusive, right?

How would you feel about that?

You fucked, like the honesty?

Or would you just want her to just lay there like she's half dead, like at least she's finished?

Listen, the male ego is very, very fragile.

You have to address and say, oh, you know what?

I would imagine this.

And then the next time you're in the sack, you say, listen, what I like.

I need you to take my legs and pin them behind my ears and lick me like, whatever.

Can't think of anything right now.

I need you to yodel in the gully.

A little bit better.

All right.

Yodel in the gully.

Oh, my God.

Listen, I need you like a postage stamp.

Yeah.

I need you to flick my bean like you're playing Foggy Mountain Breakdown on a banjo.

Something like that.

And then we'll see what happens.

So you would want a woman to tell you that directly?

Well, I would.

Okay.

I would like to know.

Not cruelly, not like, you suck at this.

I would like to know what pleases a woman.

I like this.

Yeah, I like this.

I would prefer this.

Of course.

What man wouldn't, you know, get the weed whacker out, take the string out of it, start that thing up and give her a good old fashioned throttling that works.

Oh, my God, the euphemisms.

I need you to whisper in the lettuce.

I need you to gargle some yum yum sauce.

I need you to double click her mouse with your tongue.

Oh, my God.

Make her call you precious.

Yeah, something like that.

I don't get that reference.

The old Slim Whitman routine.

I don't know what that means.

He's a very good picker of guitar picker.

Oh, never mind, never mind, never Mind.

Oh, Slim Pick.

Slim Pickens.

Get it?

Slim Whitman.

Whitman, Slim Pickens.

Slim Whitman something.

Slim something.

Slim Shady, right?

Or maybe.

Maybe he's just not meaty enough, you know?

Maybe he's just not.

He's not big enough in the package department.

Maybe he's got a cocktail weenie and she needs a snoss foot long.

I don't know.

Yeah, something like that.

Well, I guess there's a lot to be said for enthusiasm.

That can go a long way.

That's true, too.

But, you know, just maybe.

Maybe he's a selfish lover.

Maybe he just comes in, gets what he needs, and is done with it.

Maybe he doesn't.

Thank you, ma'am.

Yeah.

Maybe he doesn't tend to her needs.

Where fuckboy over there.

Well, turns her loose, then.

I can see why she's not exclusive, right?

If he's not really, I guess, hitting the spot, so to speak.

I guess he's a yodeler.

Was that an echo?

You need.

You need her to be.

You need her to be the yodeler.

If you can make her yodel, like in Porky's.

Yodel with your mouthful.

What was the one.

What was her name?

Lassie.

It was Kim Kachi.

Yeah, Lassie.

You can make Lassie scream.

Porky's was the funniest movie, right?

I don't even think you could make that, but.

Well, you probably could, I guess.

It was like American Pie kind of thing.

Bruce seems to like girth over length.

Okay, Bruce.

Is that what you prefer, Bruce?

Girth over length?

Imagine.

He likes a nice.

He likes to be filled.

He likes to have the filling feeling.

We're not drilling filled up, so.

We're not drilling for oil here.

Oh, my God.

Okay, well, what is this?

Is this the.

An episode of the.

I'm not sure what this TNA podcast.

It sounds like this episode is a little bit.

A little bit.

Well, their most current episode talked about all the euphemisms for body parts.

Ah.

And it was raunchy, as I'm sure it was.

Those guys are crazy.

Sam's the filthiest guy I've ever heard before.

Well, they're both.

Yeah.

Sam's pretty.

Sam's worse.

Sam's worse than Jason.

Absolutely.

Bob says having a Happy Meal, you got to make her meal happy.

I don't know.

Something to be said for a good Happy Meal.

That's.

That is true.

Okay.

All right.

Now can we do the podcast?

Shout outs.

We can do the podcast.

All right.

I need a moment.

I'm sure you do.

All Right.

Brand X podcast with my favorite podcasters, Deuce and John Domingo.

I said podcasters.

Now you said my favorite podcaster, Deuce and John said podcast John Domingo.

You can go back and listen.

Oh, I will.

Don't you worry.

I will go back and listen to that one.

I just paused the team.

I know what you did there.

I know.

Exactly.

Just because I made you wear a hat, you.

Now you got to get.

That's not fair.

You want to.

Want to make the bet?

I wasn't going to bet anything.

You're the one who want to make the bet.

Okay.

The TNA podcast with Jason Roach and Sam Hall.

The one we were just talking about.

Yes.

Shitty song of the week with Teresa and Red.

Well, nothing's been.

Nothing's been.

Nope.

I can't make any.

Teresa.

No.

Teresa and Red.

Teresa, Red.

I can't say that One of them's not going to be doing show anymore.

I can't.

I think I just did.

One of them is not going to be doing the show anymore, and it's not Red.

Such a dick.

And here's.

Here's the best part.

No.

One of the.

The new co host is one of.

Is a former rubber necker.

God, stop it.

Why are you doing that?

Because nothing's been announced.

But it's a stupid podcast.

What's the big deal?

Nothing was announced.

Stop it.

Don't do that.

Oh, for sake.

It's only a dumb podcast.

I don't care.

Hush.

I didn't say who it was.

Who's the next shout out?

You didn't say he was from Arkansas.

Oh, my God.

Might have got shot in the face.

Never said anything like that.

It's your turn.

Oh, my turn?

I did.

I shake my head with Lisa and Sam.

Why would you do that?

Well, it's just the.

The episodes official.

Nothing's official.

The weathered report with Bruce.

Hold on.

So hang on, let me.

Let me fix this.

Allegedly.

All right, continue.

I just did.

Well, no one heard you because I talked over you.

Try it again.